


Lie to Me

by asroarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, POV Bellamy, Pining!Bellamy, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, jealous!Bellamy, pining!clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 08:19:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13783506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asroarke/pseuds/asroarke
Summary: Long before he met Gina, he decided that this name didn’t mean anything. That he had a choice in this, and that he would likely choose to ignore the universe’s choice for him. After all, there were many people who went their whole happy lives without finding the person whose name showed up when they turned eighteen.He kept his eyes on his watch, counting down the seconds until it would appear. As soon as both hands hit twelve, he flipped his wrist over. But he wasn’t lucky enough to get some stranger’s name. He knew exactly who his soulmate was.If Bellamy needed any more evidence that soulmates were bullshit, it was right there in front of him.Soulmate AU where Bellamy finds out Clarke is his soulmate and doesn't tell her.Best Soulmates AU and Best Angst One-Shot in the 2018 Bellarke Fanwork Awards





	Lie to Me

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this a long long LONG time ago but never gave it an ending. Then, someone tagged me in one of those little tumblr tag games that had me search through my WIPs and I found it again. I've been editing it and threw an ending onto it. First stab at a soulmate AU, so be gentle on me. Hope you guys like it!

Bellamy had always been skeptical of soulmates. Maybe it was because his mother’s disappeared eighteen years ago. Maybe it was because he didn’t like the idea of a random name showing up on his skin to tell him who he was supposed to be with.

Or maybe, it was because for a moment he really did believe in them… only to lose faith as soon as a name that wasn’t his appeared on Gina’s wrist as soon as the clock struck twelve.

It didn’t help that his sister wouldn’t stop gushing over his impending doom. Or even though he and Gina agreed that they would stay together regardless of if they were soulmates, she broke up with him so they could both find their _real_ soulmates.

The night before his birthday, he stayed over at Miller’s house so he could be free of Octavia’s prying eyes once midnight hit. Miller fell asleep early, leaving Bellamy in peace and quiet while he waited for a stranger’s name to appear on his skin.

Long before he met Gina, he decided that this name didn’t mean anything. That he had a choice in this, and that he would likely choose to ignore the universe’s choice for him. After all, there were many people who went their whole happy lives without finding the person whose name showed up when they turned eighteen.

He kept his eyes on his watch, counting down the seconds until it would appear. As soon as both hands hit twelve, he flipped his wrist over. But he wasn’t lucky enough to get some stranger’s name. He knew exactly who his soulmate was.

If Bellamy needed any more evidence that soulmates were bullshit, it was right there in front of him.

_Clarke Griffin_ was spelled out in bold, black letters, almost teasing him.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy finally decided to stop hiding from Octavia after lunch. It wasn’t like he could avoid her forever. He literally lived with her.

His wrist was covered with a band, which he had noticed a lot of his fellow seniors doing. But just to be safe, he wore a long-sleeved shirt to school that day. And after a few deep breaths, he decided to walk over to the alcove by the lockers that Octavia and her friends would sit at after lunch.

He should have been more prepared to see Clarke Griffin sitting right beside her, flipping through flashcards, just like every other day. But he wasn’t. Luckily, she didn’t even notice him stroll up to them.

“Bell! Okay, who is it?” Octavia asked excitedly, shooting an eager grin up at him.

“I thought we agreed we weren’t going to bug him about this. The Gina incident was only like two weeks ago,” Jasper butted in, and Bellamy nodded in his direction, thankful that someone remembered he didn’t want them all over him about his soulmate.

“Oh, come on. I’m your sister. Just tell me who it is and I won’t bother you anymore about it,” she promised, and Bellamy’s eyes flickered over to Clarke, who he could see was struggling with one specific card.

“O, I didn’t get a soulmate,” he lied, and then let out a sigh. That did catch Clarke’s attention… at least enough to get her to put her notecards down.

“What?” Octavia snapped, and Bellamy glanced over at Monty, hoping he would jump in with some kind of support to get Octavia from asking too many questions.

“It’s actually more common than you think. Like 5% of people don’t get soulmates,” Monty finally said, and Bellamy nodded along. He could tell Octavia was disappointed, but it was a lot easier than telling her the truth.

He gave in and told Miller while they were getting ready for school that morning. Miller was against the plan to say he didn’t have a soulmate, of course. But Miller also has a soft spot for Clarke and frequently took her side when Bellamy complained about her.

It was never Bellamy’s plan to lie to his sister about his soulmate, of course. But he never thought his soulmate would be his sister’s annoying best friend. And if Octavia found out about this, he would spend the rest of his life being pushed toward Clarke, even though the two of them couldn’t stand each other. He still had two years until Clarke’s soulmate mark would come in, which gave him ample time to figure something else out.

“Why aren’t you more upset by this? I would be devastated,” Octavia whined, as Bellamy leaned against the locker.

“I never wanted a soulmate anyways,” he shrugged.

“But—”

“Octavia, it’s just a random name that shows up on your eighteenth birthday. It’s really not that big of a deal if he doesn’t have one,” Clarke jumped in, and Bellamy furrowed his brows, not sure why she of all people was helping him out with Octavia. She was usually more than happy to witness their little fights, especially if Bellamy was losing.

“Thank you,” Bellamy said, raising an eyebrow at Octavia, who was not happy about the direction this conversation was taking.

“Since when do you take his side?” Octavia snapped. Bellamy started chuckling as Miller walked up to him. He shot Miller a warning look, still a bit nervous that Miller would say something to Clarke. But he kept his mouth shut, and Bellamy managed to make through his birthday without anyone else finding out that Clarke Griffin was his soulmate.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy noticed that no one brought up soulmates around him anymore. Octavia stopped gushing about her future soulmate, and Atom didn’t turn to Bellamy to vent about his upcoming birthday. It didn’t take long for word to get around school. Soon, everyone knew him as the guy without a soulmate. He didn’t mind it until he noticed the sad looks that Gina would shoot him in the hallways.

He also noticed just how engrained Clarke was in his life. He must have just gotten so used to her always being around that he didn’t register it anymore. But now that it was her name on his wrist, he started counting how many days in a week he would find her up in Octavia’s room after school, how many times he would pass her in the hallway, how many mutual friends they had.

After a while, he just resigned himself to the realization that Clarke Griffin would always be around, regardless of what he wanted. Two months after his birthday, his lunch table merged with hers, and he would frequently find himself sitting across from her, listening to her joke around with Miller while he tried to finish his English reading.

“Isn’t Clarke normally here by now?” Bellamy asked when he walked into Octavia’s room. Usually, Bellamy would have left to go to Miller or Murphy’s because he was annoyed by how loud Octavia and Clarke were. Every Friday night started like that… and this was the first time in maybe a year that it didn’t.

“She’s getting ready for her date,” Octavia remarked, flipping the page of her magazine.

“What date?” Bellamy asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“Finn is taking her to the movies,” Octavia replied excitedly, as she tossed her magazine aside.

“Finn Collins?” Bellamy groaned. He had tried his best to tolerate Finn Collins, especially since so many of his friends just loved the guy. But he couldn’t stand him.

“Oh, they’re really cute. When he picked her up last week, he brought her flowers,” Octavia gushed, and Bellamy clenched his jaw.

“They’ve been on multiple dates?” This was news to Bellamy. He wasn’t sure how he missed this detail, especially since Clarke had been sitting next to Finn every day at lunch. He just assumed they were friends, or that the princess wouldn’t be stupid enough to fall for Finn Collins’ bullshit.

Later that night when Clarke came over, he decided he was too tired to go over to Murphy’s. He stayed in the living room watching tv, trying to ignore Clarke and Octavia gossiping with his mother about her date in the kitchen. After a while, they went upstairs and his mom joined him.

“You know, Octavia is trying to convince Clarke that Finn is her soulmate,” she said, as she grabbed the remote from his hand.

“Okay,” Bellamy shrugged.

“You could let her know that you know that’s not true,” she suggested, and Bellamy whipped his head around to look at her with wide eyes. He had never told his mother about his soulmate, and she never asked. “I had to come into your room to grab laundry, and you don’t wear that band while sleeping.”

“You’re not going to say anything, are you?” he asked, and she shook her head with a sigh.

“I will say that one day your sister is going to find out that you’ve been lying to her, and it might take her a long time to get over it,” she shrugged, and Bellamy nodded. He knew that. But he wasn’t too worried just yet. Clarke would understand why he lied as soon as she saw his name on her wrist. And as long as she wasn’t that upset about it, Octavia would get over it.

 

* * *

 

“Absolutely not,” Bellamy snapped, and Octavia let out a huge groan. “She has no real reason to be there, and we can’t stand each other.”

“I don’t have to ask for your permission to invite her. She’s basically family,” she argued, and Bellamy glanced over at Clarke, who was in the corner with her hand intertwined with Finn’s.

“Oh, look. They’re talking about me like I’m not here,” Clarke muttered, not taking her eyes off her notebook, and Jasper, Monty, and Finn burst out laughing.

“It’s my graduation,” Bellamy said, crossing his arms, and Octavia let out a huff. “I don’t want her there.”

“Hmm, did you know that the Treaty of Ghent ended the War of 1812?” Clarke asked the others, earning a few mock “hmms” in response.

“But I’m the one who has to be bored in her seat waiting for the ceremony to be over. I want to have a friend there,” Octavia snapped.

“Well, 1838 was not the best year as far as human rights are concerned,” Clarke mused, before flipping to her next page in the notebook.

“Can you please study for your APUSH exam somewhere else?” Bellamy growled, and Octavia immediately hit his leg. Clarke’s head popped up, and she furrowed her brows in his direction.

“Can you please talk about how much you don’t want me at your graduation somewhere else? Preferably, not two feet away from me?” she replied with a forced smile, and he clenched his jaw, not breaking eye contact with her.

“Clarke, you are not helping,” Octavia replied, and Clarke closed her notebook with a huff.

“Okay, let me speed this up. Octavia, I’m not going to Bellamy’s graduation because he does not want me there. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you bring Jasper or Monty along, since he actually likes them,” Clarke said.

“Thank you,” Bellamy said, throwing his hands up in relief.

“And you,” Clarke snapped, turning around to glare at him, “if you want to rant about how much of a pain in the ass I am, don’t do it where I study during morning break every single day like a total asshole. I don’t need the constant reminder that you’re a dick.” Then, she pushed herself to stand up, and Finn followed suit, and they started walking toward her locker.

“Like she knows where you sleep. Do you want her to murder you?” Jasper asked, and Bellamy started groaning.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy got a job that summer. He figured that he might as well earn what he could to pay off his eventual college debt. And it got him out of the house more often, meaning he didn’t have to see Clarke Griffin every five minutes… since she basically lived in their house during the summer.

Like Miller, his mom had a huge soft spot for Clarke. And he somewhat understood why. Clarke kept Octavia out of trouble. And ever since they became friends, Octavia started trying harder in school. Unlike Bellamy, his mother didn’t seem to care about how easy Clarke’s life was compared to theirs and wasn’t bothered by the obvious differences between the Blake and Griffin households.

He was grateful that his mom didn’t push him to tell Clarke about his soulmate mark, even though he knew it was bothering her. That didn’t mean she never brought it up, though.

“I just think as you get older, you’ll see her differently,” she explained.

“She’s a spoiled brat,” he muttered, rolling his eyes as she handed him another dish to put in the dishwasher.

“She’s also just sixteen. And you don’t really spend that much time with her.”

“She’s literally always here. This is the longest she’s been out of our house in weeks,” he groaned.

“But you don’t talk to her when she’s here. Or if you do, it’s to purposefully start fights with her,” she replied, raising her eyebrows at him warningly. He wanted to argue that he didn’t purposefully start fights with her, but he knew that was a lie. “I’m not saying she’s ever going to be the love of your life. I’m just saying there are far worse people you could have gotten for your soulmate mark.”

“Okay,” he shrugged, since he knew he couldn’t win this argument… not when his mother already adored Clarke.

“I had a friend whose soulmate reached out to her from prison. Another friend had one who threatened to kill her boyfriend when she decided she didn’t want to be with her soulmate…” she started, and Bellamy waved her off. He knew the stories. He had grown up with the stories of all the different ways that his soulmate could turn out to be a dangerous disappointment. All things considered, having his sister’s annoying best friend on his wrist was not the worst-case scenario. But it was also far from the best.

 

* * *

 

On the day before the Fourth of July, he was driving home from work when he got the call. He immediately called Octavia to tell her to meet him at the hospital, but she never picked up. He then called Clarke, who immediately picked up and relayed the message.

By the time he got there, it was too late. The injuries from the wreck were too severe, and it would have taken a miracle to save Aurora Blake. And the Blake family had never been lucky when it came to getting miracles.

He held onto Octavia for a long time, burying his face into her shoulder as he sobbed. It was just the two of them now.

Eventually, they made their way into the waiting room. He had figured that Clarke would still be there, since she drove Octavia there. But he didn’t expect to see all his friends waiting there for them. Octavia took off to hug Clarke, and Bellamy was greeted somberly by Murphy and Miller. He only had to say the words once, and then everyone knew. Everyone told him how sorry they were. He got dozens of offers to help out from all of them, but he was having a hard time paying attention to anything in particular.

All he knew was that he wanted to go home and be alone.

Of course, he couldn’t have that. There were arrangements to make, and paperwork to fill out. He couldn’t spare a moment to cry, not with the piles of papers that the social worker brought over regarding Octavia. His mind was going in a thousand directions, trying to figure out how he was going to afford to pay the bills and send Octavia off to college.

He realized on the morning of the funeral that he didn’t get any sleep. In fact, he only knew it was morning because he heard the muffled sound of Clarke trying to wake up Octavia.

He finally forced himself out of bed to shower. He quickly got dressed but struggled with his tie. He just couldn’t get his brain to function properly long enough to tie the damn thing. But he heard an echo of voices from downstairs and realized that his friends were already there. He started moving towards the stairs, figuring at least one of the unwelcome guests could help him out.

Clarke was jogging up the stairs, carrying two black dresses in her arms. When she saw him, her lips parted, and he braced himself for whatever pitiful expression she had for him. He would have to get used to it, anyways. He had a long day of everyone sharing meaningful stories about his mother in an attempt to make him feel better.

“Uh, do you need help with your tie?” she asked, and he let out a breath.

“Yes,” he confessed shamefully, and Clarke set the dresses down and got to work fixing it for him. “Wait, you don’t have a brother. How in the hell do you know how to do this?”

“If I tell you, you’ll just make fun of me,” she murmured, keeping her eyes focused on the tie. Bellamy was suddenly very aware of how close he was to Clarke, shocked by how well he could smell her shampoo.

“Well, I could use a laugh today,” he deflected, and Clarke’s eyes flashed up to meet his. He could see her debating with herself, probably weighing whether she was willing to ever let him laugh at her, even if it was the day of his mother’s funeral.

“Cotillion,” she finally admitted, and Bellamy had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Of course, the princess went through cotillion. It’s what every rich girl from Alpha Station did. “God, you’re such a dick,” she chuckled, before finishing his tie.

“Uh, who all is downstairs?” he asked as Clarke picked the dresses back up.

“Murphy, Miller, Jasper, Monty… maybe Atom?” she shrugged. The panic on his face must have been evident, because Clarke was studying him with concern. “I can ask them to just meet you there,” she offered, and he nodded. “And I can go too,” she added in, but he just shook his head.

“No, you stay. Octavia needs you,” he shrugged, as he made his way back toward his bedroom.

 

* * *

 

After Octavia and Clarke went to bed, Bellamy and Miller stayed out in the backyard, finishing off what remained of the beer.

“I can’t believe Gina showed up,” Bellamy muttered, shaking his head.

“You two dated for more than a year. Of course, she showed up,” Miller groaned in response.

“Hey, I know I haven’t said it enough, but thank you for everything,” Bellamy said, and Miller tilted his head in confusion.

“I’ve hardly done anything,” he replied, narrowing his eyes at Bellamy.

“No, I mean, I know that I haven’t been all that together this week, but somehow my downstairs stayed clean and my refrigerator remained stocked.”

“Okay, I helped Clarke with the wake and I’ve been your emotional punching bag, but the rest of that was your soulmate,” Miller said, and Bellamy bit his lip.

“Don’t call her that,” he grumbled. Bellamy let out a sigh. He did need to make the effort to thank Clarke for everything she had done. While he had been off falling apart all by himself, Clarke had been taking care of Octavia, making sure she got out of bed in the morning and ate regular meals. He definitely owed her for that.

She kept it up for weeks, spending most of her nights with Octavia. Bellamy had come to dread the nights that she didn’t stay over, because the house was just too quiet without her. She helped keep them afloat for the rest of summer.

When school started for Octavia and Clarke, he saw less of her, which took some getting used to. But he was working for Miller’s dad during the day and had a few shifts from his part time job in the evenings.

But he made sure he had every Friday night off, which became “family game night” for all his friends. Several Fridays into the year, Jasper showed up with his soulmate mark.

Everyone had a lot of opinions on what Jasper should do about it, especially since Jasper happened to know his soulmate already. Bellamy argued that he should find out where Maya stood on the whole soulmate issue before telling her. When no one started arguing with him, Bellamy realized that Clarke wasn’t there yet.

“Where is Clarke?” he asked, and the room went quiet. He glanced up at Octavia, who let out a sigh.

“She’s not coming. She found out about Finn’s other girlfriend today,” she said, before pressing her lips together. He glanced around the room, seeing grim facial expressions from his friends that were still in high school. He wished he could say he didn’t see something like this coming, but he did. He knew Finn wasn’t the great guy Clarke thought he was. And he felt guilty that he never did anything about his suspicions.

He heard Clarke come into his house around three in the morning, which he probably should have anticipated. He rolled over onto his side, ignoring the muffled sound of Octavia trying to comfort Clarke, who was sobbing.

He didn’t actually see Clarke until the following afternoon, when he came home to see Octavia and Clarke curled up on the couch watching a movie, still in their pajamas. He offered Clarke an acknowledging wave, not sure what else he could offer her. After all, they weren’t exactly friends. He probably wouldn’t have given this any real thought if it weren’t for her name branded onto his wrist.

That night, he saw Octavia asleep on the couch as he walked into the kitchen. Clarke was in there, sitting at the kitchen table, drawing in her sketchbook.

“How are you doing?” Bellamy found himself asking, but he felt weird about it.

“Just great,” Clarke muttered, and Bellamy turned back to glance at her. Her hair was thrown up into a ponytail, and she definitely looked like she had been crying. He had known Clarke for years, but he had never witnessed her after a breakup. In fact, he couldn’t recall if she had ever had a boyfriend before Finn. Probably not, he decided, since he would have had to listen to Octavia talk about it.

“You sure?”

“You don’t have to do this,” Clarke said, leaning back in the chair to glance up at him.

“Do what?”

“Check up on me. We aren’t friends, and I know you don’t care about my relationship drama,” she said, cocking her head slightly.

“We are kind of friends,” he conceded, leaning against the doorframe.

“You think I’m a privileged brat who has never had to work for a thing in my life. Those were your exact words to Jasper,” she retorted, and he rolled his eyes.

“Okay, we’re not friends. But you’re my sister’s best friend. You take good care of her, and I’m pretty sure you’re the only reason she ever studies,” he admitted, and he swears Clarke almost smiled. “Personally, I find you annoying and pretentious, and I know that it’s you who keeps eating my cereal because there is no one else in this house who likes it. So, you’re not my favorite person, but you’re an okay person overall. I feel bad that you had a cheating boyfriend, because you didn’t deserve that.”

“I have known you for years, and that is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” she said with a slight chuckle, and Bellamy let out a groan as he moved toward the refrigerator.

“Stop eating my cereal, princess, and maybe I’ll be nicer to you,” he teased, and he glanced back at her, noticing a small smile creep onto her lips.

“Stop calling me princess, and maybe I’ll stop eating your cereal just to spite you.”

 

* * *

 

Somehow, they made it through the fall. He had been dreading Christmas, of course, especially since it was the first one with just the two of them. But all his friends made plans to spend the evening of Christmas at his house, which made it easier.

“Please tell me Clarke is bringing over those cookies she always makes,” Bellamy said, as he reorganized the food on the counter.

“She probably isn’t coming,” Octavia said, and Bellamy jerked his head up to look at her.

“What?” Bellamy asked, shaking his head. Clarke was the one who had organized this whole thing, making sure that no two people brought the same dish.

“Don’t make a big deal about it,” Octavia pleaded, but Bellamy’s brain was already trying to figure out what could have happened. Clarke was easily one of the most reliable people he had ever known, and it would take a damn tragedy to keep her from showing up to something she promised to be at.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, and Octavia let out a sigh, glancing back into the living room where all his friends were gathered.

“Look, I told her not to come. There’s some stuff going on at home that she needs to take care of, and I didn’t want her worrying about us when she’s got her own things to deal with,” Octavia muttered, before walking back into the living room.

Bellamy tried to drop the subject, but he couldn’t. It was just sitting there in the back of his head, bothering him as he made a list of all the possible things that could keep her away from Christmas.

After weeks of prodding, Octavia finally broke down and told him. Clarke stayed at home because it was probably her dad’s last Christmas.

If Octavia hadn’t said anything, he would have never guessed. Every time he saw Clarke, she was just as composed as she always was. She never mentioned her dad’s cancer and he never asked.

He started to notice that he was seeing her less. He figured she was trying to spend as much time with her dad as possible, but he could feel her absence in the house. He and Octavia had gotten so used to her always being there that the house felt empty when she wasn’t there.

He no longer had to tell Clarke to go home before she missed her curfew or came downstairs to find Clarke and Octavia sprawled out on the couch watching movies at three in the morning. Then, one day, he realized that he _missed_ her… which was a terrifying realization.

He found himself wondering about her as he tried to fall asleep. The soulmate issue still weighed on him, since he now had less than a year before she found out on her own. He figured that he would tell her beforehand, so she wasn’t completely caught off guard. But he would wait until her life started to calm down again. The last thing she needed right now was to see her name on Bellamy’s wrist.

Sometimes, when he knew Octavia was already asleep, he would take the band off and look at his soulmate mark. It was still as dark as it was the night it showed up, the prominent _Clarke Griffin_ branded on his skin.

Sometimes, when he was too tired to think better of it, he would make a list of possible reasons she would be his soulmate. Maybe it was because they were both so stubborn and competitive, or maybe it had something to do with how much they both loved and looked out for Octavia. Each night, he would add new possibilities to the list. And, Clarke started to make more and more sense as his soulmate.

But it wasn’t until he admitted that he felt better when she was around, that he finally started to accept it.

 

* * *

 

On his nineteenth birthday, Bellamy awoke to the sound of his front door opening. He jumped out of bed, remembering that Octavia was staying over at Harper’s tonight. He started running down the stairs, only to see Clarke standing there with a confused look on her face.

“Octavia isn’t here, is she?” Clarke asked, and Bellamy realized that her eyes were red, probably from crying.

“She’s at Harper’s, but I can ask her to come home if you need her,” Bellamy said, already pulling up Octavia’s number.

“No, don’t worry about it. I’ll just call her when I get home,” Clarke mumbled, before turning around.

“What happened?” he asked, and she let out a breath, running her fingers through her hair. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. He could see her struggling to say something, and her bottom lip started to quiver.

Without thinking, he pulled her into a hug. She resisted at first, probably as shocked as Bellamy was that he was hugging her. But within seconds, she buried her face into his shirt, and that’s when the sobs started.

“I’m gonna text Octavia, okay?” he whispered, already typing the message as Clarke nodded into his shoulder. He knew that he wasn’t who she wanted for comfort. He just happened to be here when the tears started.

But he stayed with her, got her to calm down enough to drink a glass of water, before she inevitably started sobbing again.

By the time Octavia got there, Clarke had already cried herself to sleep on Bellamy’s chest.

“He died, didn’t he?” Octavia asked, looking like she was about to tear up as she glanced down at Clarke.

“I think so,” Bellamy whispered, pushing some of Clarke’s hair out of her face.

“She thought he had more time,” Octavia whispered, shaking her head.

 

* * *

 

It was at Jake Griffin’s funeral that Bellamy had learned that Clarke’s parents weren’t soulmates… which explained a lot about Clarke’s attitude toward the soulmate marks. The funeral was also where Bellamy realized why Clarke spent so much time at his house over the years.

Her mother was a piece of work. If he had thought Clarke was pretentious, he was sorely mistaken. Hell, she was the most humble, down to earth person compared to some of the people that showed up for this funeral.  Internally, he cringed when he saw Clarke straighten up when Abby Griffin walked into the room. In fact, he hardly recognized Clarke when she was off talking with her mom or family friends. He wondered if his house was the only place she could go to if she wanted to just be herself.

Bellamy stayed glued to Octavia the entire day, especially since this funeral came way too soon after his mother’s. He was having too many flashbacks to the previous summer, and watching Clarke struggle to keep herself together all day was a terrifying reminder of how Bellamy was barely together.

When the day was over, he and Octavia took Clarke back to their house, and the three of them watched movies until Clarke finally fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

When summer came around, Bellamy started getting anxious about Octavia’s last year of high school. He needed to figure out how to pay for college in a year, plus he was stressed out about what would happen when Octavia got her soulmate mark. He lived in fear that her mark would come in, and she would fall madly in love with whoever it was… only because that person was her “soulmate.”  Octavia didn’t have his cynicism toward the marks… no, she romanticized them far too much, which was dangerous. He had no idea what kind of person Octavia would get. And he had heard and read too many horror stories to just hope that her soulmate would be a good one.

He was also anxious about his soulmate, since Clarke still had no idea about Bellamy. He had been meaning to tell her, but every time he got the chance, he chickened out. It was different now. Clarke was his friend, and he knew she would probably be upset to find out that he had been lying to her for more than a year now.

So, weeks turned into months, fall showed up… and Bellamy still hadn’t told her. But he decided he was going to once everyone left family game night that night… and then, he found out she wasn’t coming.

“I told you, she has plans,” Octavia muttered, and Jasper started chuckling.

“Okay, I’ve met Lexa. She’s not that bad,” Jasper replied, and Octavia narrowed her eyes at him.

“Who is Lexa?” Bellamy asked, plopping down next to Miller.

“Clarke’s new girlfriend,” Monty explained, and Bellamy tensed up. He hadn’t heard anything about Clarke dating someone, and he had certainly never heard of anyone named Lexa.

“What’s wrong with Lexa?” Bellamy asked Octavia, who clearly had opinions on the subject. Jasper started groaning, before resting his head on Monty’s shoulder.

“She already has a soulmate, that’s what’s wrong with her,” Octavia huffed.

“Apparently, Lexa doesn’t believe in soulmates, so she’s ignoring it and dating Clarke instead,” Monty added in, and Bellamy narrowed his eyes at Octavia, who looked beyond pissed off about it.

“I’m just saying that one day, Lexa’s soulmate is going to show up, and Clarke is gonna be devastated,” Octavia groaned, and Bellamy kind of agreed with her. He had seen too many people try to keep relationships going even after their eighteenth birthday, only to create a huge mess once they fall for their actual soulmate. “Plus, Clarke doesn’t have that long until she finds her soulmate. She could just wait a few months before she starts dating other people.”

Bellamy swallowed, glancing down at the ground. He could feel Miller’s eyes boring into him, but he waved him off.

“Well, Clarke is pretty convinced she’s not getting a soulmate,” Jasper said, and Bellamy’s head popped back up.

“Aww, Bellamy and Clarke could be in the exact same situation,” Miller teased, poking Bellamy in the side. Bellamy shot him a glare, reminding him that he needed to keep his mouth shut.

 

* * *

 

He tried not to die of laughter when Clarke got nominated for Homecoming Queen.

“Doesn’t the runner up get crowned as the Homecoming Princess?” he teased, and Clarke stomped off into the kitchen. When she came back, she was carrying a box of his cereal, eating it just to spite him… like always.

“The more interesting thing is that her girlfriend isn’t going with her to the dance,” Octavia said bitterly, and Bellamy glanced back at Clarke, who looked annoyed with Octavia.

“Why not?” Bellamy asked.

“She has a tournament that weekend. It’s really not a big deal,” Clarke replied, and Octavia let out a loud sigh. “Come on, get it out of your system,” Clarke continued, raising an eyebrow at Octavia.

“She’s always busy. She could find a way to be there for one night,” Octavia groaned.

“The tournament is important to her, and it’s just a dumb dance,” Clarke shrugged, but Bellamy could tell Clarke was lying about not caring. It was the same way she would pretend not to care when Finn blew her off… probably for his other girlfriend. “Worst case scenario, I don’t have to take pictures with a girlfriend that won’t be around forever, which would prevent me from looking back on old photos and feeling weird about it. Best case scenario, she gets her big break, and I can be a trophy wife.”

“She’s not wrong,” Bellamy snorted, even though he had a hard time imagining someone as driven as Clarke becoming someone’s trophy wife, and Octavia wacked him with a pillow.

“Thanks for the backup, but I’m still pissed at you,” Clarke mumbled, her mouth full of his cereal, and Bellamy burst out laughing.

“Okay, keeping in mind that you have a bad track record with dating, are you sure that Lexa isn’t seeing someone else?” Octavia asked, and Clarke started groaning.

“Why do you hate my girlfriend so much?” Clarke snapped, and Bellamy couldn’t help but notice that Octavia seemed to be gunning for this girl.

“Is there a legitimate reason to dislike her? I don’t know since I haven’t met her yet,” Bellamy said, before glancing back at Clarke. “Wait, why haven’t I met Lexa yet?”

“Yeah, Clarke. Why hasn’t Bellamy met Lexa yet?” Octavia chimed in, almost sounding like she was teasing Clarke. Clarke kept glaring at Octavia, before finally turning to look at Bellamy.

“You’re just kind of…” Clarke trailed off, clearly looking for a polite way to insult him, and Bellamy started chuckling as he waited for what she came up with. “Overprotective.”

“I am not!” Bellamy argued, and Clarke looked away awkwardly.

“Oh look, I’m out of cereal. I’m gonna go find the one you keep hidden from me under the sink,” Clarke mumbled before turning around and going into the kitchen.

“Lexa accused Clarke of having a thing for you,” Octavia whispered as soon as Clarke was out of earshot.

“What?”

“Yeah, Lexa gets really jealous whenever Clarke talks about you and really hates how much time Clarke spends at our house,” Octavia gossiped, and Bellamy started groaning. He already didn’t like Lexa.

 

* * *

 

He tried his best to be nice to Lexa the first time she came over, he really did. He kind of had to, especially since he was the one who insisted that Clarke bring her to game night.

“Really progressive of you, getting to know your secret soulmate’s girlfriend like this,” Miller teased after following Bellamy into the kitchen.

“Shut up,” Bellamy snapped.

“You are literally seething with jealousy,” Miller muttered, patting Bellamy on the shoulder.

“Clarke and I are just friends,” he argued, as Miller groaned.

“Okay, you’re coming outside with me,” he said, pulling Bellamy toward the back door. Bellamy glanced over his shoulder, seeing Octavia bust out Monopoly. There was no way he wanted to be anywhere near that anyways. He followed Miller outside, quietly shutting the door behind him. “Okay, now I know where you stand on the whole soulmate thing, but the fact is that a lot of soulmates end up happy with each other.”

“Stop,” Bellamy groaned, leaning back against the wall.

“Nope, you’re gonna listen to me,” Miller snapped, and Bellamy begrudgingly sat down next to him on the steps. “Look, I know that when you found out about Clarke, you two hated each other. But now you’re close friends.”

“I wouldn’t say close,” Bellamy interrupted, which only earned an annoyed glare from Miller.

“Clarke cares about what you think of her girlfriend, otherwise she wouldn’t have brought her here. I think that makes you close friends,” Miller replied, and Bellamy let out a huff. He had a point. In fact, Bellamy knew almost everything going on in Clarke’s life these days. Clarke had started stopping by to see him specifically, instead of just Octavia. “And to be honest, I think there could be some kind of future for you two, if you stopped being so stubborn about rejecting the idea of soulmates.”

“It’s Clarke,” Bellamy sighed, resting his head on the railing.

“Stop thinking about her as the girl who would help Octavia snoop through your stuff while they were in middle school,” Miller groaned, and Bellamy cocked his head to the side. “Objectively speaking, she’s pretty. You’ve admitted this. She’s also smart and is one of the few people who can hold their own in an argument with you.”

“Miller.”

“Your mother loved her, and Clarke gets along perfectly with all your friends and Octavia. I’m just saying, that when you start listing what you should be looking for in a girl, she checks off a lot of boxes,” he sighed, before glancing at Bellamy.

Bellamy looked down at his hands, letting Miller’s words wash over him. And when they eventually went back inside, he couldn’t unsee it.

He tried to stay focused on game night and the conversation in the room, but his mind was flooded with strange thoughts about Clarke.

He tried to pinpoint the exact moment he decided to dislike her… because that’s exactly what he did. Just decided not to like her. And that cost him years of one of his most important friendships. Clarke had been at his side through all this hell. He remembered her trying to comfort him the night he came home after Gina got her soulmate, how she came to his rescue when his mom died.

And when she wasn’t around, he missed her. Things didn’t feel right in this house when she was gone for too long.

He tried to be subtle, but he could feel Lexa sizing him up. Maybe she was right to be concerned about Bellamy. After all, he was Clarke’s soulmate, even though she didn’t know it yet.

Once everyone had taken off, Clarke stayed behind and helped him clean up.

“You don’t like her, do you?” Clarke asked, and Bellamy sucked in a breath. He glanced up at her, seeing her blue eyes boring into his. She genuinely cared what he thought of her girlfriend, and for some stupid reason, he felt special that his opinion mattered that much.

“I didn’t say that,” Bellamy clarified, and Clarke tilted her head slightly, like she often did when she was confused. “I think I just need to get to know her better, that’s all,” he shrugged, and he heard Clarke let out a breath.

And at that moment, he realized just how fucked he was.

 

* * *

 

Every time he saw Lexa and Clarke together felt like torture. And he noticed the cute smile Clarke would get whenever she got a text from Lexa. He had no idea what to do. It wasn’t like he was in love with Clarke or anything. It was more like a crush… that was a bit more complicated because she was technically his soulmate.

He had talked over his options with Miller, trying to figure out how to tell Clarke the truth about the soulmate situation without seeming like he was trying to sabotage her relationship with Lexa. And there were no good or easy options. They all involved Clarke being pissed at him.

But the Lexa situation seemed to play itself out. Bellamy woke up on a Friday night to the sound of Octavia sneaking in the front door. Bellamy groaned, pushing himself out of bed, and moving toward the stairs.

“Don’t yell at me right now,” Octavia groaned, and Bellamy realized that Clarke was with her… and was completely drunk. Bellamy glanced back at Octavia with wide eyes, trying to figure out what the hell happened to Clarke. She never drank.

“Hey, let’s get you to the couch,” Bellamy said, wrapping his arm around Clarke’s waist. “What happened?” Bellamy asked Octavia.

“Lexa drama.”

“Not drama, we’re just done,” Clarke mumbled, as she sat down.

“No drama? Really?” Octavia asked, and Bellamy shot her a warning look. She threw her arms up in frustration, before going into the kitchen, probably getting Clarke some water.

“I hate soulmates,” Clarke murmured, resting her head sleepily on a pillow.

“What?” Bellamy asked, almost panicked that Clarke knew his secret.

“She said it was like love at first sight. That she just _knew_ Costia was the one for her,” Clarke pouted, and Octavia came back into the room.

“Costia is Lexa’s soulmate,” Octavia explained, and Bellamy felt his chest start to tighten up.

“Never stood a chance,” Clarke whispered, and Octavia sat down next to her, trying to get her to drink the water.

“Well, in just a few short months, you’ll find your soulmate, and maybe you’ll get something like that,” Octavia suggested, and Clarke lifted her head up to glare at her. “Okay, I’m gonna go grab the extra blankets and pillows,” Octavia said with a forced smile, and Bellamy let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” Clarke whispered as Bellamy sat down next to her on the couch. She swayed in his direction, resting her head on top of his shoulder.

“At least you’re a pretty mess,” he teased.

“Why do soulmates even exist? Like are people so dumb that they can’t figure out what kind of people they belong with?”

“Well, you did end up with Finn for a while,” he joked, which only made Clarke pout more. “I’m kidding, even though I did warn you that he was a douchebag.”

“You did,” Clarke remembered, sitting up to pat Bellamy on the head… and it was really hard not to laugh at her. “You’re so smart.”

“Aww, look at you, being all nice to me,” he teased as Octavia brought down the pillows and blankets. “Drunk Clarke is a big softie,” he told her, and Clarke let out a huff.

“No, I mean it,” she whined. “Should have listened to you more. You were right about Finn, and you didn’t like Lexa, so you were right about her too.”

“I also didn’t like Lexa,” Octavia groaned, and Bellamy bit his lip to keep from laughing. “Clarke, I’m gonna tell your mom that you’re spending the night, okay?”

Clarke nodded sleepily, before resting her head back on Bellamy’s shoulder. Octavia went into the other room, and Bellamy made a mental note to give her a lecture in the morning.

“You know, I have a theory,” Clarke whispered, looking up at Bellamy excitedly.

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this,” he teased, but Clarke ignored his teasing tone completely as she sat up, clearly about to say something she thought was important.

“You’re too good for soulmates,” she announced, and Bellamy accidentally snorted. “No, listen to me,” she whined, grabbing Bellamy’s hand to get his attention. She was trying so hard to be serious, and it was absolutely endearing. “Like I can’t think of a single person who would deserve a soulmate like you. That’s why you didn’t get one. Because there is just no one good enough,” she explained, and Bellamy couldn’t help but beam at her.

He knew she was drunk, and likely wouldn’t remember this conversation in the morning. But she was so sweet right now… something he wasn’t used to. At least not directed at him so seriously.

“Do you not remember how awful I used to be to you?” he reminded her.

“I might have purposefully been messing with you,” she shrugged, before curling up onto her side, leaning away from him.

“Why would you?” he asked, chuckling as he stood up, so she could stretch her legs out.

“Don’t know. Maybe I had a crush on you,” she mumbled, her eyes struggling to stay open.

“Oh no, you can’t go to sleep after confessing you had a crush on me,” he teased, before poking Clarke in the side.

“I said maybe, you arrogant ass,” she muttered, and he burst out laughing. There was the Clarke he remembered.

“I thought I was so perfect that no one was good enough to be my soulmate. And now, you’re calling me an arrogant ass?” he teased, as he went to grab the blankets.

“Changed my mind. Remembered you’re a dick,” she mumbled, and Bellamy pulled the blanket over her.

 

* * *

 

She bounced back from Lexa pretty quickly, he thought. It wasn’t like she was going out and dating, but she seemed to be back to normal. On the weekends, she was almost always at his house. During the weekdays, he saw less of her but made up for it by texting her regularly.

He started noticing more things about her, like her complicated highlighting method for her notes, or that it took someone screaming for their life for Clarke to notice while she was studying. He noticed the small twitch in her lips whenever someone brought up soulmates to her, and he had a feeling that she was getting nervous about her soulmate mark.

He was going to tell her. He knew that much. He just wanted to give her some time after Lexa before springing that on her. And he needed more time to figure out exactly what he was feeling for Clarke… so that there was no misunderstanding when he did tell her. He had no idea if Clarke shared his confusing feelings or not, but occasionally, he would see small moments that made him think she might.

After all, she still came over to the house, even if she knew Octavia wouldn’t be there. And she would stay up and watch movies with him until it was time to go to bed. One night, he was watching one of those conspiracy documentaries on the History Channel, and Clarke was putting together flashcards for finals, which were just around the corner. Then, one of the people who was being interviewed mentioned soulmate marks, and Bellamy saw Clarke’s lips twitch slightly.

“Are you nervous about your soulmate mark?” he asked, and Clarke put her pen down, and sighed.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, leaning her head against the back of the couch. “How did you feel going into your eighteenth birthday?”

Bellamy swallowed, not expecting her to ask about that. In fact, no one asked about that, especially since they all thought he didn’t get a soulmate mark. But this could also be a great way to bring up the fact that Clarke’s name was on his wrist.

“Honestly, miserable. But that’s just because I knew it wasn’t going to be Gina’s name,” he confessed, and he noticed Clarke’s eyes flicker to the band on his wrist. Then, her eyes dropped down to her hands.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay,” he said quickly, not liking how quickly Clarke was backing out of this conversation.

“It was hard, right?” she asked, and Bellamy cocked his head in confusion. “I mean, you went into your birthday knowing that the person you wanted it to be wasn’t going to show up.”

“Yeah, but in the end, Gina and I weren’t as perfect as I thought,” he shrugged, and he noticed Clarke’s lips twitch slightly again. “Look, I’ve been meaning to—”

“My soulmate found me,” Octavia shouted as she came running down the stairs, and Bellamy swore his heart stopped beating. He was supposed to have several more months.

 

* * *

 

His name was Lincoln, and he had found Octavia on Facebook. He just reached out to say who he was and said that she didn’t have to feel obligated to talk to him if she didn’t believe in soulmates… which of course, she did.

Bellamy made Octavia promise that she wouldn’t meet up with Lincoln yet, at least not until they had a better idea of what kind of guy he was. But that didn’t stop her from dropping everything to talk to Lincoln as much as possible, much to Bellamy’s frustration.

He was too preoccupied with Octavia that he barely noticed that Clarke had hardly been by the house. He figured it was just because of finals week, and once break hit, she would be there more. He figured he had dozens more opportunities to tell her the truth before her birthday.

But he was wrong… a fact he didn’t learn until Clarke didn’t show up for the impromptu Christmas party that Octavia decided to host.

“I thought I told you,” Octavia huffed, as she pulled a tray out of the oven. “Her mom decided she didn’t want to spend their first Christmas without her dad at home, so she’s at her grandparents’ house for a while.”

“Why the hell didn’t she tell me that?” Bellamy snapped, hoping that by some miracle Clarke would be home before the 27th.

“She stopped by while you were at work. She dropped off our presents,” Octavia said, gesturing toward the Christmas tree. Then, she glanced at Bellamy, who probably had a furious expression on his face… but that was just to cover up the sheer panic that was going through his head. “Hey, it was a last minute decision. But she’ll be back in time for New Year’s.”

And, Bellamy nearly sprinted up to his room as he dialed Clarke. But every time he called, he got her voicemail. He started pacing in his room, trying to figure out what he would do if he couldn’t get a hold of her. It wasn’t like he could just go find her. He had no idea where her grandparents lived and had no way of asking her if her phone wasn’t working.

Eventually, Miller found him, and looked genuinely concerned as he closed the door behind him.

“I missed my chance to tell her,” Bellamy finally admitted, and Miller’s expression softened.

 

* * *

 

He waited by his phone, half expecting Clarke to find a way to angrily call him once she saw her mark. But his phone never rang. And as it got closer to New Years, Bellamy knew that Clarke had reception again, since he knew Octavia was texting with her. But she didn’t stop by, and she didn’t reach out to him.

On New Year’s Eve, he would jump whenever the door opened, hoping to see a flash of golden hair as she came in. When she did show up, Bellamy was in the kitchen. In fact, he heard her before he saw her. Her warm laugh practically echoed through the house, and Bellamy was so relieved to hear it. He nearly ran into the living room, seeing her hugging Miller. He made eye contact with Miller as he pulled away, and Clarke looked confused as she turned around.

Her lips parted as soon as her blue eyes locked in with Bellamy’s. He waited for her face to shift in anger, bracing himself for when Clarke inevitably dragged him out of the house so she could yell at him. But the fury never came. She just looked confused and sad, and it broke Bellamy’s heart.

He started moving toward her, but Octavia got to her first, throwing her arms around Clarke’s neck excitedly.

“… and then he told me that he is in art school, and so I told him all about you,” he heard Octavia say excitedly, and Clarke nodded along with a slightly forced smile. “Wait, you never told me about your mark,” Octavia remembered, and he noticed how Clarke tugged her sleeve down instinctively.

Her eyes flickered to his briefly, her jaw clenched as she studied his face. Bellamy opened his mouth to say something… but he couldn’t say what he wanted to say in front of all these people. “I don’t have one,” Clarke lied quickly, keeping her eyes on Bellamy as she spoke. He shoved his hands into his pockets, swallowing as he tried to pay attention to what Octavia was saying to her. But he couldn’t focus. All he could think about was how Clarke just used the same lie he did, and how icy her voice sounded as she spoke.

He needed to get her alone so he could explain. And it needed to be tonight. He couldn’t live with himself if Clarke hated him. If she stopped hanging around their house, if Octavia would start staying over at Clarke’s house instead, if Clarke was going to graduate and go off to college and never come back…

He waited as patiently as he could, but Clarke was very purposefully sticking to large groups. She was avoiding him, and it wasn’t going to be easy to get her alone.

“God, it’s only 10 and we’re already out of chips and pretzels,” Octavia groaned, and Bellamy knew that Jasper and Monty were responsible… they always were.

“I’ll go pick more up,” Clarke volunteered as she tugged her coat back on.

“I’ll come with you,” Bellamy said quickly, ignoring the panicked look on Clarke’s face as he pulled his coat out of the closet.

“I can handle this on my own,” she replied, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Actually, Clarke, the weather might get bad, and it’s pretty late. I’d feel better if Bellamy went with you,” Octavia said, and he saw Clarke try to open her mouth in protest, but she knew better than anyone that fighting with Octavia was pointless.

They were silent as they made their way out to her car, and Bellamy felt like he could throw up. Once in the car, Clarke immediately cranked up the radio volume, which she never did. He opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him before he said anything. “Don’t,” she warned, as she tugged on her seatbelt.

“You didn’t return my calls,” he said, staring at her profile as she backed out of the driveway.

‘There was nothing to say.”

“I tried to tell you. I wanted to tell you before your birthday, but then you left town, and I missed my chance,” he explained, turning to face her.

“Put your seatbelt on,” she growled, keeping her eyes on the road. So, Bellamy turned the radio down. Then, Clarke turned it back up with a huff, before Bellamy turned it off completely.

“Clarke.”

“Stop,” she pleaded, before slamming her brakes. He glanced over at her as he tugged on his seatbelt, noticing that her eyes were clenched shut as they paused in the middle of the road. She took a deep breath, before opening her eyes again. Then, she turned the radio back on.

Per Clarke’s demands, Bellamy stayed in the car while she grabbed the stuff for the party. He turned the radio off again as she came up to the car.

“I know you’re angry with me,” he said as soon as Clarke slid into the car. “But I didn’t know what to do when I first found out. We used to hate each other.”

“You really don’t have to explain yourself to me,” she muttered, before pulling out of the gas station.

“I lied to you.”

“I get it. No need to explain,” she cut him off.

“Let me talk,” he snapped. “I didn’t believe in soulmates. I thought it was a mistake.”

“Well, that makes me feel better,” Clarke said dryly, and Bellamy turned again to face her.

“I wanted to tell you. But things kept happening. My mom died, then there was the Finn incident, then your dad died… there just wasn’t a right time to bring it up.”

“I think the day you found out would have been a great time,” Clarke snapped.

“Look, most people don’t know their soulmates prior to finding their names on their wrists. And so, they meet knowing they are soulmates. But I already knew you, and I knew that neither of us wanted to end up being soulmates with each other.”

Clarke didn’t have a witty comeback for that and didn’t bother to look at him as she pulled up to the stop light.

“I was gonna tell you that night we were talking about soulmates and you asked me about Gina, and then Octavia interrupted,” he sighed, and Clarke bit her lip. “And I know you were probably asking about that because you knew that Lexa’s name wasn’t going to show up on your wrist.”

That caught Clarke’s attention. “You think that was about Lexa?” she snapped, and Bellamy took a deep breath.

“Look, I know what it’s like to want a certain name to show up even though you know it won’t. I know what you’re going through.”

“No, you don’t,” she replied, before turning into his neighborhood. “Our situations are similar, but they are not at all the same.”

“Clarke,” he whispered, barely registering that Clarke was pulling into his driveway. But she made no effort to get out of the car, which meant that she wasn’t done with this conversation.

“There was a name that I was hoping for, and I knew there was no way in hell it was going to show up. And I broke down crying when I saw your name.”

“You cried?” Bellamy asked, feeling a pang of guilt in his chest.

“I was heartbroken,” Clarke confessed, and Bellamy leaned closer to her. She finally looked up at him, but Bellamy couldn’t make sense of her expression.

“Clarke, I know what that—” he tried to explain, wanting to offer her some kind of comfort.

“No, you don’t!” she interrupted, and Bellamy jumped at the outburst. “You wanted Gina, even though you knew it wouldn’t be her. I thought I was in the same situation, since the person I wanted it to be told me he didn’t have a soulmate,” she said, glaring at Bellamy.

Before he could say anything, Clarke was pulling her keys out of the ignition and getting out of the car. He fumbled with his seatbelt, trying to get out quickly. “Clarke,” he said, as he ran around to the other side of the car. “Hey, talk to me,” he said, trying to turn her around, but she jumped as soon as his hand touched her shoulder.

“Why can’t you just leave it alone?” she growled, before rushing to the backseat to grab the bags. “I wanted you to be my soulmate, but you didn’t want me to be yours. There’s nothing else to say.”

“I never said that.”

“You chose to say you didn’t have a soulmate instead of admitting it was me. And I get it. We hated each other. But that changed, and you still lied to me,” she muttered, shaking her head as she straightened up to look at him. “You know, it was killing me that you didn’t have a soulmate. Like, I’m still not entirely sold on the idea, since it has brought me literally nothing but heartache, but I thought that if anyone deserved a good soulmate, it was you.”

“Clarke,” he whispered, stepping toward her. She didn’t step back this time, which he took as a good sign. But he could see the tears pooling in her eyes.

“I just thought it was so unfair that people like Lexa or Finn got soulmates, but you didn’t, even though you ended up being a far better person than they would ever be,” she said, leaning onto the car, but not looking at Bellamy anymore. “You ended up being the most dependable person in my life, and it broke my heart that you weren’t going to be one of the people who got their perfect soulmate.”

Bellamy didn’t interrupt her, but he couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. No one talked to him like this.

“I started hoping I wouldn’t have a soulmate either. Didn’t see a point in wanting one, especially when I realized that the name I was hoping for was yours,” she continued, shaking her head as she dabbed her eyes. “Never thought it would hurt so much to get exactly what I wanted, though,” she finally murmured.

“Clarke, I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I should have told you a long time ago,” he pleaded, but she waved him off, before handing him the bags of chips and pretzels.

“Just go take those inside. I’ll be right behind you,” she said, keeping her eyes on the ground.

“Clarke, I—”

“Please,” she begged, and he clenched his eyes shut. He didn’t want to go inside yet, not while she was so upset with him. But he was also the reason she was this upset.

So, he went inside, fearing that Clarke would just take off as soon as the front door shut. Miller looked concerned when Clarke didn’t come inside with him, but Bellamy waved him off, before peeking out the window to watch her. She was on the phone now, her back to the house. But she didn’t leave.

He tried to act normal when she came back in, but he found himself keeping an eye on her for the rest of the night.

“How bad is it?” Miller whispered once they were sitting in the kitchen.

“Really bad,” Bellamy said, shaking his head slightly. Her words were echoing in his head. His chest ached as he thought about how Clarke had wished he was her soulmate, and he wondered how he missed that. He had always assumed that Clarke would just be angry that he lied to her. But he never considered what kind of weight his lie would hold… that Clarke would assume it meant that he didn’t want to be her soulmate. And maybe, if he had told her before her birthday, he could have framed it in a way that Clarke wouldn’t jump to that conclusion.

But at the end of the day, he screwed up. He committed to the lie that he didn’t have a soulmate, and no matter what he said to Clarke, he should have known that she would have taken the lie personally.

 

* * *

 

He expected Clarke to avoid him. It’s what any normal person would do when they thought their soulmate had rejected them.

But he should have known that Clarke Griffin wasn’t a normal person. She was stubborn as hell, and not about to let her situation with Bellamy to affect the rest of her life. So, she continued to show up at his house, only now, he knew it was just to see Octavia. When she was over, she stayed up in Octavia’s room as much as possible. There were no more late-night movies, no more playful banter when he would run into her in the kitchen.

And it felt worse than he could have imagined. He missed her, even though she was always there. He was so painfully aware of how different everything was, how he had relied on Clarke being there for him. All he wanted was to go back to what it was like just months ago. But he didn’t know how to fix it.

The only time when things felt normal is when they started planning Octavia’s birthday party. There were moments where they would exchange an annoyed glance after Octavia requested something outlandish. And Bellamy could tell that Clarke was just as nervous as he was about Octavia meeting Lincoln for the first time.

Much to his relief, Lincoln ended up being a pretty decent guy. Of course, he and Octavia immediately clicked, and Bellamy almost felt jealous over how easy the two of them had it. There was no past drama between the two of them, just two people excited to meet their soulmate.

“They’re a perfect fit,” Bellamy shrugged when Miller checked in on him.

“Well, they are soulmates,” Miller pointed out.

“Not every pair of soulmates looks like that,” Bellamy muttered, opening another package of paper plates.

“I don’t know about that. Back when you two were friends, you and Clarke looked a lot like that,” Miller said, and Bellamy’s head snapped up to look at him.

“Stop,” he warned. He had this conversation with Miller all too many times. Bellamy wanted to wait until Clarke was ready to talk to him again, meanwhile Miller kept insisting that Bellamy keep reaching out to her. But Bellamy wanted to respect her space, figured she needed time to sort her feelings out.

“Tell me, how much are you freaking out that Clarke is half an hour late?” he asked with a smirk, and Bellamy glanced back up at the clock above the sink. It had been bothering him. Clarke was never late. She was always fifteen minutes early. But Octavia didn’t seem worried, so Bellamy tried to tamp down his concern. He fought every urge he had to call her, knowing that it would just make her angrier with him.

Within a few minutes, Octavia was storming into the kitchen throwing his rain jacket at him.

“Clarke’s car broke down. The tow truck is already on the way, but she needs a ride,” Octavia announced, and Bellamy immediately went to grab his keys.

 

* * *

 

Clarke was completely drenched when she climbed into his car. It had been pouring down rain all day, and Clarke seemed to have forgotten her rain jacket at home.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, as she pulled the seatbelt on.

“It’s no problem,” he reassured, as he pulled out of park. They fell into an awkward silence, and Bellamy finally gave in and turned on the radio. When he hit a red light, he glanced over at her. She was resting her head against the window, her hair was a soaking wet mess. She reached up to push her hair out of her face, and Bellamy noticed that the band on her wrist was starting to slip, probably because of the rain.

Clarke didn’t seem to notice, of course. But, when he glanced at her for a second time, he saw it: _Bellamy Blake_ branded on her wrist.

“Bell, green light,” Clarke said, and Bellamy realized that he had gotten distracted.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, shaking his head as he tried to get the image of his name on her wrist out of his head. But it was the first time he had actually seen it. And he realized that Clarke had never seen his mark either.

It was an odd feeling, seeing it for the first time. The soulmate mark had been a source of anxiety and conflict for both of them, so seeing it shouldn’t feel so monumental. But Bellamy immediately felt relieved when he saw it. Because he felt like he had lost Clarke, that she would one day leave and forget all about him. But she would always have that mark, just like he would always have his. And even if she never forgave him, he would get to keep that small piece of her.

“So, how is Lincoln?” Clarke asked, glancing over at Bellamy.

“Great, actually. Pretty sure Octavia is already in love with the guy,” he replied, kind of relieved that Clarke was actually talking to him.

“But is he a good guy?”

“I think so. We’ll keep an eye on them, though. But I think Octavia got lucky,” he explained, and Clarke shifted in her seat.

The party was still going when they got back, and Clarke ran upstairs to grab a change of clothes and dry off. He could see Miller eyeing him carefully, but Bellamy blew him off. The last thing he needed was Miller pestering him about why he didn’t take advantage of the situation he was just in with Clarke to get her to talk to him.

By the time Clarke came back downstairs, it was time to do cake, and he couldn’t help but notice just how happy Octavia was. And he was happy for her. After all, her life was going great at the moment. She got into college, she only had a little while until graduation, her soulmate turned out to be a good guy… her life was going to be everything she wanted.

Before long, Clarke was interrogating Lincoln… probably more so than Bellamy did, which was kind of funny to watch. Lincoln seemed to be prepared for Bellamy, but he seemed completely unprepared for Clarke Griffin. He shouldn’t have been surprised… their princess had that effect.

As the party died down, Octavia decided that she wanted to show Lincoln around town. Before he knew it, it was just him and Clarke cleaning up the downstairs in silence.

“So, you liked Lincoln?” Bellamy asked, trying to break the tension in the air.

“Yeah, he’s a nice guy and will probably mellow Octavia out a bit. They seem like a good fit,” Clarke shrugged, as she pulled out another trash bag.

“Well, they are soulmates,” Bellamy replied without thinking about who he was talking to. He glanced up nervously, but Clarke didn’t seem to react to those words. “Are we ever going to talk about it?” That caught Clarke’s attention, as she tossed the trash bag to the side.

“What is there to talk about?” she snapped, and Bellamy leaned against the back of the couch, thinking over his words carefully.

“I was jealous today when I saw Octavia and Lincoln just fall together so easily,” he said, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him. “I mean, if you look at them, they look like they’ve been together forever, and they just officially met today. It isn’t fair.”

“Well, you know as well as I do that soulmates don’t always work out,” Clarke mumbled. He watched her in stunned silence as she got back to work cleaning, clearly angry with him but holding her tongue. But he just wanted her to yell at him, to tell him every horrible thing she’s ever thought about him… whatever she needed to do to let this go. But, she didn’t say another word.

“I didn’t care,” Bellamy finally said, and Clarke’s eyes flickered up to his.

“What?”

“On my eighteenth birthday, I knew that you would be furious with me when you found out I had been lying, but I didn’t care. That’s why I lied, because back then your anger didn’t matter to me. You were just my sister’s best friend who ate my cereal and fought with me on literally everything,” he explained, and Clarke just stood there, staring at him with narrowed eyes. “Then, my mom died and my life fell apart, and you, the soulmate I didn’t care about, kept me and Octavia together. And then, you became my friend, and I started caring that you would get angry with me.”

“Bellamy, stop—”

“I started feeling guilty for not telling you, and I made plans to tell you the truth. And then, I got scared, because somehow you crept up on me and became one of the most important people in my life,” he confessed, and Clarke’s lips parted. He took a deep breath. This was farther than he had gotten with Clarke in months.

“I knew that I needed to tell you the truth. But I kept pushing it off because I was scared,” he finally said as he crossed over toward Clarke. Her face was slightly softer now, but still not entirely readable. “I don’t know when it started, but I fell for you, and I didn’t know how you felt. I didn’t know that you wished my name would be on your soulmate mark. All I knew was that when I first found out, I immediately rejected the idea, and that I would be devastated if you reacted the same way.”

He was now just two feet away from her, looking directly into her beautiful blue eyes. He didn’t understand how he could have ever hated her, not now that he knew just how incredible she was. She was brilliant, kind, clever, beautiful… and he trusted her. She stayed with them throughout all the hell, all his bad mood swings, all the breakdowns… She stayed, and that meant everything to him. She held him up, without ever meaning to, and once she was gone, Bellamy felt so lost.

He knew he had probably missed his chance with her, that his lie was too horrible that she could never trust him like she did before. But he could work to become her friend again. They could become close again, and he would do anything to get that back. That would be enough to make him feel less lost.

“Okay,” she finally whispered, her eyes downcast.

“Okay?” he huffed, expecting a lot more of a response from her. Perhaps some yelling, a reference to him being a dick here and there…

“Just… okay. That’s all I can really say right now,” she said carefully, her mind clearly working through his earlier confessions.

“Okay,” he said cautiously. He could wait for Clarke to say something else. He could wait for her to forgive him. He would wait for Clarke.

 

* * *

 

She stopped dodging him when she was in the house. It wasn’t like she was going out of her way to see or talk to him, but it was a vast improvement to her previous indifference. When the next family game night came around, it felt like nothing had happened between them. In her competitiveness, she seemed to relax around him again. The familiar teasing came back, and Bellamy didn’t realize just how much he had missed it until now.

As school winded down, Octavia ended up with more free time than usual… meaning she kept going out to spend time with Lincoln. Bellamy had assumed this meant that Clarke would no longer show up unannounced at the house but was pleasantly surprised to find her camped out on his couch when he got home from work. He didn’t say anything to her, and she didn’t say anything back… but it was a start.

It kept happening more and more, and eventually, he worked up the courage to join her on the couch. A few nights like that later, and it started to feel normal.

By the time Octavia and Clarke’s graduation rolled around, things were normal. After the ceremony, the two of them were teasing each other like they always did. He wished he had more time to congratulate her, but she had to go take photos with all her family that was in town. And he had enough other people that he needed to visit with before the day was over.

When he got home, he settled on the back porch with a beer. Octavia took off to go to one of the graduation parties, which meant he had a quiet night to himself… which he was going to have to start getting used to. Octavia wasn’t going to be that far away when she went off to college, but she wouldn’t be living at the house during the school year. Bellamy was going to miss all the noise that came with living with her and the horde of friends she dragged through the house… namely Clarke.

He was working his way through his old copy of the Iliad, the porch light barely being bright enough for him to see the pages. Then, he heard his front door creep open. He glanced at his phone, checking the time. He didn’t expect Octavia home for a few more hours…

When the back door creaked open, Clarke stepped out and took a seat next to him. “Shouldn’t you be at the graduation party?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at her. She had gone home to change since her graduation, dressed far more like he was used to seeing her with an oversized t-shirt and athletic shorts.

“I was there for a few minutes. It’s mostly underclassmen there now,” she replied, and Bellamy couldn’t help but smirk. He remembered being similarly annoyed when his graduation rolled around. When he looked up at her, she had a much more pensive look on her face, though.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she replied, her lips twitching slightly as she spoke. Bellamy let his eyes drop down to where her band covered his name on her wrist… something his mind had drifted to a lot over the day. He and Clarke still hadn’t talked about _that_ since Octavia’s birthday.

If Bellamy was being completely honest with himself, he couldn’t care less that Clarke was his soulmate. He wished they lived in a world where you weren’t just fated to be with one random person. But he knew that in that world, he would have gravitated toward Clarke. He would have fought with her, he would have gotten to know her, and he would have inevitably fallen in love with her. She wouldn’t be his soulmate, but she would be his choice. To Bellamy, that meant so much more than a name on a wrist ever could.

But they didn’t live in that world and their names were branded onto each other’s skin for life. And he was choosing to embrace it. He chose to look at her name in the dead of night when he couldn’t sleep. He chose to let it be a symbol of hope for them.

“Clarke,” Bellamy whispered, and her eyes flickered up to meet his. “Can I show you something?”

She nodded quickly, and Bellamy pushed his sleeve up. He tugged the band down, keeping his eyes fixed on Clarke’s as she looked down at his arm. Those blue eyes widened as she took in the sight of her name on his wrist for the first time. Bellamy swallowed, remembering that only two other people had seen this mark before her.

Her eyes jumped up to his for a split second before glancing back down, swallowing. “I look at it a lot at night. Sometimes to cheer me up, sometimes because I miss you,” he confessed without thinking, his heart pounding as soon as he realized what he just admitted.

Clarke’s lips parted, but he could see her fighting not to look up at him. Instead, her fingers trailed over his wrist, practically tracing the letters of her name… the sensation sending goosebumps up Bellamy’s arm.

“I need you to tell me the truth, not whatever you think should be the truth just because my name is on your wrist,” Clarke said finally, and Bellamy let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. “How do you feel about me?”

“I love you,” he confessed without hesitation, and her eyes finally shot up to his. “I love you,” he said again, his heart feeling freer than it had in months. “And I love that I get to have your name on my wrist. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Clarke bit her lip as she looked back at him, and Bellamy realized her hand was still resting on his wrist. “Promise?” she whispered so quietly he barely heard her.

“I promise,” he said seriously, feeling Clarke’s hand relax against his wrist finally. She was still gazing up at him, though it felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the air the whole time he looked back at her. He desperately wanted to close the distance between them, but he wasn’t sure that was what Clarke wanted.

He leaned in slightly, waiting for her to pull away. But she didn’t pull away. She just blinked up at him before her eyes dropped down to his lips. Then, he felt her hand slip into his… the gesture catching him so off guard that he wasn’t paying attention when Clarke’s lips landed on his.

“Sorry,” she murmured shyly, jerking away with a blush on her cheeks. Bellamy let his other hand cup her cheek before pulling her back to him, kissing her the way he should have a long time ago.

Within seconds, she let go of his hand, her arm wrapping around his neck to pull him closer. He sighed against her lips, letting his eyes close shut for a moment.

“I love you too, by the way,” she whispered, pulling her head back slightly. A small smile fell on Bellamy’s lips as he let his eyes stay closed… just savoring the sound of those words on her lips. Then, he felt her press a quick kiss to his cheek, and his eyes fluttered open to see the most beautiful smile on her face.

She looked so _happy_ … as happy as he felt. He leaned forward and pressed a quick peck to her lips, loving the way her smile grew as she looked back at him. The two of them were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, on tumblr and twitter as @asroarke, and comments and kudos are always appreciated! Love you guys!


End file.
